I Would If I Could

finally he wondered why he couldn´t feel his petrified heart anymore

Today's title is the topic my therapist gave me this week. My mood today certainly fits this topic. Fair warning, this blog may not be as upbeat as my blogs usually are. I don't remember if my therapist gave me a context in which she wanted me to use the topic, but I'm so cranky and moody today and it will reflect in my writing I'm sure. There are many things I would do if I could. Big things and small things would be joyfully accomplished if certain factors were in place which allowed me to accomplish them. Here's a list.

-I would go look for a job if I could have a mode of transportation
-I would walk to go look for a job if I could walk to the end of the driveway.
-I would lose weight if I could exercise without extreme back pain and my blood pressure shooting up and causing me migraines and my thyroid wouldn't hinder my weight loss
-I would get on meds for my thyroid and blood pressure and back pain if I could have a car and a job to pay for meds and doctor's visits
-I would eat only the healthiest lean meats and freshest fruits and veggies and most recommended foods if I could afford them but they are usually the most expensive
-I would spend more time out of the bed if I could move without so much pain in my back
-I would be exuberant and full of life and oh so social if I could overcome my anxiety and depression
-I would spend more time with my family if I could have some transportation to where they are
-I would love to travel if I could have funds to do so
-I would love to win the lottery if only I could have a dollar to play it
-I would feel better right now if I could have a snickers bar
-I would paint more if I could have more canvases
-I would be happier if I could just get all this horrid crap out of my head that takes my emotions all over hell and back and just wrings me out like a wet rag
-I would move to Spokane if I could
-I would buy a house if I could
-I would go back in time if I could
-I would be invisible if I could
-I would disappear if I could
-I would run away if I could
-I would give my kids everything they want if I could
-I would be very happy if I could

I will go and make a cup of tea and then curl up besides Gucci because I can. I'm tired and cranky today and depression has taken full advantage of that and moved in. I would kick depression out if I could gather up the energy to do so but even my anxiety is too tired today so depression it is. I'm going to sigh and sit in the dark and just be sad. If I can get the energy up, I may play Final Fantasy 14. I just don't know. I feel all the energy I did have is just about gone now from writing today's blog. What kind of things would you put on a "I Would If I Could" list? Leave me a comment below. Hearing from my readers makes me happy.