Due to my depression and anxieties I usually don't want to leave my house. I don't want to interact with people. I don't want to leave my safe, comfortable cave. It's nice here and it has my dog and my bed and my food and nobody can hurt me in here. I don't have to put on my "I'm fine" face when I am withing my walls. I've been trying to get outside more since I have my new camera. I've been outside taking pictures of Gucci and the field behind the house and even the landlady's dog. My goal is to go a little farther from my house and take pictures too. I was really struggling with my inner lazy voice Monday morning. I wanted to walk to the Dollar General to get some stuff that we needed. My lazy voice said to just stay at home and relax, that it was cold and misty outside. My anxiety voice told me that it was so far and that I would be so sore if I walked and then there would be people there and it just wouldn't be worth the walk.
Well I overcame my inner voices and I was rewarded. It was nice and cool outside so I knew I wouldn't get overheated which was a good thing. I took my camera with me intending to take a few pics along the way but I really wasn't inspired by anything. Until I got almost to the store. I couldn't believe my eyes. Sitting over on the fence about 15 yard away was this beautiful bird of prey. I couldn't get my camera out fast enough. I was just so excited! It checked me out as it posed for me. I'm not sure as to exactly what kind of bird it is but it is gorgeous. These pics are with no filters or edits. Just zoom. This feathered beauty is certainly an outstanding example of one of God's glories. I definitely plan on getting out on walks more often.
If any of ya'll happen to know exactly what kind of bird this is, please leave me a comment down below.
I am Shawna. I'm 36 years old. I'm the mother of 4 amazing children currently aged 13, 16, 18, &19. I also have a wonderful little chihuahua fur child named Gucci. I have been with my boyfriend for a little over a year now, but we have been friends for quite a few years. I love dragons! I love just about anything magical and mystical and fantastical. My imagination is quite immense and truly has no boundaries. I enjoy singing and listening to all kinds of music from opera to rap to country to rock to classical to dubstep and everything in between. I think my life should have it's own soundtrack sometimes. That way, maybe I'll know what's upcoming, or the appropriate way to feel or act according to the music currently playing. Another passion of mine is art. I love to paint and to create. Currently the only painting medium I have used is acrylic but I hope to one day get into water-painting and oils, and maybe even some multi media stuff. I recently made a Christmas tree out of sticks and twine and some decorations and it turned out pretty cool. I'll leave a few pics of my work at the end of this blog.
I truly hope that i can gain a deep interest in blogging. I have so much in my head, and it would be great to get it out in some form or another. I deal with hypothyroidism and major depression which don't make my days picnics. I know it would be easy to use blogging as a distraction from the way i'm feeling but I hope to be able to be as honest as I can. I have been through a lot, both good and bad. Most of the time it certainly feels like the bad outweighs the good. I will have cheery, positive upbeat blogs. I will also have deep, dark blogs that will cover some very taboo topics and some very real situations that happened to me that I'm not proud of. Situations that maybe I still hold a lot of resentment about.
My goal over the next, say six months, will be to begin to work on purging and forgiving. I need to purge a lot of the anger and resentment and forgive myself and others. What happened in the past is the past. I can't continue to carry this darkness and anger inside of me or it will continue to hold me in this dark little cave I've created. Please don't judge me. I know this is a public blog but I will be writing as if I am the only one seeing it. For some reason my mind needs me to do this this way. I don't know why yet. I know I am an amazing woman. I know I deserve love and happiness. Now I have to convince myself of that. Let my journey of healing begin.
The Christmas tree I made
Acrylic on canvas original painted by me
Peacock Feather acrylic on canvas original done by me
My dog Gucci
An angel I drew with colored pencils
