The last couple of days have been kinda high anxiety days. In some ways that is good, in others not so good. The good part about it is I tend to maniacally get stuff done. The bad part is my blood pressure tends to get really high and I get really bad headaches that shut me down and send me to bed really fast. So anxiety days are really push and pull days. I'm running on the tail end of a headache right now but I'm sticking to my goal of posting three times per week. This is determination. What I want to discuss today is my maniacal anxiety days and how I like to comfort myself through the highs and lows.
I can usually tell when my anxiety is building. It can sometimes, but doesn't usually, hit me at once. It's usually a quick little build up. It starts off as what may be perceived as boredom. My attention can't be kept by much and I tend to munch on anything I can find to munch on. I will pace between the fridge and the couch and my bed. I will swap between apps on my phone or games or shows on the tv. I will look out the blinds. I will chew and pick at my nails. I munch some more and try to read to slow my brain down. I try to keep myself as calm as possible in hopes that I can stop the full blown anxiety attack before it hits. Unfortunately, more often than not, I am unsuccessful. I usually will not be able to sleep well that night.
The next day I will wake up full of energy. I will get my house clean, dishes washed, bed made, everything facing in the shower and on counter tops and in cupboards, dog bathed and nails trimmed and ears cleaned. Everything has to get done or I will go nuts. If things aren't in place and put up and decluttered my skin crawls and my hair itches. My back can't take all the work. It just hurts so bad. So I can only do teeny bits at a time. Which frustrates me. My blood pressure goes up from pain and the anxiety. Which gives me a headache. Which adds to the pain factor. The anxiety attacks can turn into full blown panic attacks and I really don't want to go into those. I feel my stress level rising thinking about those. What started off as a great day to get stuff done, turns into a nightmare of pain and depression and sleep that can last for days.
I'm trying to find other ways to satisfy my anxiety that may not cause the aftermath and ways to comfort the aftermath. Blogging has been a lifesaver. It keeps my hands and brain busy so I'm not obsessing over everything I need to do. Right now, I know I need to do the dishes, but I'm not obsessing about it. It's nice to sit with a cup of hot tea and just type my thoughts out. Blogging is such a great outlet. Another comfort I'm finding is ways to "beautify" myself. My boyfriend has been great about helping me get skin care and makeup and other beauty products. It's so satisfying, receiving packages in the mail with my products and then opening them and trying them out. I love it!! I'm even starting a blog about new products that i'm trying. It will be a sister blog to this one. I probably won't post as often there but we will see.
My favorite comfort is curling up on the couch with my dog and my boyfriend. I draw so much comfort just having those two right there by my side. Their presence just relaxes me. Oh and one thing that I don't know if anyone else thinks might be weird, but when I'm am having really high anxiety, I like to be cold. I get so hot. I have to have the AC blasting. I will drink so much cold water. I have to have the cold water right by me. Cold showers are perfect. I'm sure if I lived where there was snow, I would probably go lay down in the snow. I just have to have cold. Painting also calms my anxieties but I have to be in the mood to paint. Trying new teas out is always relaxing and comforting. I just love to set an environment. I will turn off the lights, light candles, crank up the ac, make a cup of one of my many random flavors of tea, and then just curl up on the couch with Gucci behind my legs and read my book and sip my tea. That for me is a zen moment.
I almost relaxed myself to sleep there thinking about that moment. Now that I am pretty calm, I think I am going to check out my new hair color. I got my hair colored earlier and I've been waiting on it to dry naturally to see the color. Then, I'm going to get supper in the oven and get the kitchen clean. Then on to relaxing with my man and my pup. Leave me some comments about how you like to either calm your anxiety or comfort your depression. Please share my blogs with others if you think they may be helpful to others. And please know that I am so thankful to everyone who reads these. It helps me feel accomplished, which makes me feel happy, which really helps fight off my depressions and anxieties. Thank you so much!!!
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