My Comforting Blog

The last couple of days have been kinda high anxiety days. In some ways that is good, in others not so good. The good part about it is I tend to maniacally get stuff done. The bad part is my blood pressure tends to get really high and I get really bad headaches that shut me down and send me to bed really fast. So anxiety days are really push and pull days. I'm running on the tail end of a headache right now but I'm sticking to my goal of posting three times per week. This is determination. What I want to discuss today is my maniacal anxiety days and how I like to comfort myself through the highs and lows.

I can usually tell when my anxiety is building. It can sometimes, but doesn't usually, hit me at once. It's usually a quick little build up. It starts off as what may be perceived as boredom. My attention can't be kept by much and I tend to munch on anything I can find to munch on. I will pace between the fridge and the couch and my bed. I will swap between apps on my phone or games or shows on the tv. I will look out the blinds. I will chew and pick at my nails. I munch some more and try to read to slow my brain down. I try to keep myself as calm as possible in hopes that I can stop the full blown anxiety attack before it hits. Unfortunately, more often than not, I am unsuccessful.  I usually will not be able to sleep well that night. 

The next day I will wake up full of energy. I will get my house clean, dishes washed, bed made, everything facing in the shower and on counter tops and in cupboards, dog bathed and nails trimmed and ears cleaned. Everything has to get done or I will go nuts. If things aren't in place and put up and decluttered my skin crawls and my hair itches. My back can't take all the work. It just hurts so bad. So I can only do teeny bits at a time. Which frustrates me. My blood pressure goes up from pain and the anxiety. Which gives me a headache. Which adds to the pain factor. The anxiety attacks can turn into full blown panic attacks and I really don't want to go into those. I feel my stress level rising thinking about those. What started off as a great day to get stuff done, turns into a nightmare of pain and depression and sleep that can last for days.

I'm trying to find other ways to satisfy my anxiety that may not cause the aftermath and ways to comfort the aftermath. Blogging has been a lifesaver. It keeps my hands and brain busy so I'm not obsessing over everything I need to do. Right now, I know I need to do the dishes, but I'm not obsessing about it. It's nice to sit with a cup of hot tea and just type my thoughts out. Blogging is such a great outlet. Another comfort I'm finding is ways to "beautify" myself. My boyfriend has been great about helping me get skin care and makeup and other beauty products. It's so satisfying, receiving packages in the mail with my products and then opening them and trying them out. I love it!! I'm even starting a blog about new products that i'm trying. It will be a sister blog to this one. I probably won't post as often there but we will see.

My favorite comfort is curling up on the couch with my dog and my boyfriend. I draw so much comfort just having those two right there by my side. Their presence just relaxes me. Oh and one thing that I don't know if anyone else thinks might be weird, but when I'm am having really high anxiety, I like to be cold. I get so hot. I have to have the AC blasting. I will drink so much cold water. I have to have the cold water right by me. Cold showers are perfect. I'm sure if I lived where there was snow, I would probably go lay down in the snow. I just have to have cold. Painting also calms my anxieties but I have to be in the mood to paint. Trying new teas out is always relaxing and comforting. I just love to set an environment. I will turn off the lights, light candles, crank up the ac, make a cup of one of my many random flavors of tea, and then just curl up on the couch with Gucci behind my legs and read my book and sip my tea. That for me is a zen moment.

I almost relaxed myself to sleep there thinking about that moment. Now that I am pretty calm, I think I am going to check out my new hair color. I got my hair colored earlier and I've been waiting on it to dry naturally to see the color. Then, I'm going to get supper in the oven and get the kitchen clean. Then on to relaxing with my man and my pup. Leave me some comments about how you like to either calm your anxiety or comfort your depression. Please share my blogs with others if you think they may be helpful to others. And please know that I am so thankful to everyone who reads these. It helps me feel accomplished, which makes me feel happy, which really helps fight off my depressions and anxieties. Thank you so much!!!

Butterflies and Brain Fog

Today I want to talk about a disease that affects many people, myself included. It's a disease that can affect you in subtle ways. It's a disease that can completely shut you down in many other ways. Put simply, Hypothyroidism is having an under-active thyroid gland. The result of this being that gland not producing enough of the thyroid hormone in the blood. The thyroid is a butterfly shaped gland at the base of your neck. When thyroid hormone levels are too low, the body’s cells can’t get enough thyroid hormone and the body’s processes start slowing down.

 As the body slows, you may notice that you feel colder, you tire more easily, your skin is getting drier, you’re becoming forgetful and depressed, and you’ve started getting constipated. The symptoms for hypothyroidism seem endless. Exhaustion, hair loss, brain fog, weight loss, weight gain, depression, anxiety, cold intolerance, hot flashes, skin changes, diarrhea, menstrual changes, body sensitivity, loss of want of intimacy, these are just a tiny list of the many things people with hypothyroidism can experience and it can all be extremely frustrating.  Because the symptoms are so variable and non-specific, the only way to know for sure whether you have hypothyroidism is through blood tests. Your doctor will test the TSH level in your blood to determine your level of thyroid hormone and what degree of medication to start you on.

There is no cure for hypothyroidism. Most people who suffer from it will have to deal with it for the rest of their life. Medication, once adjusted properly, can control hypothyroidism. The more serious effects of the disease can lessen for a much happier and healthier lifestyle. Over time, if left untreated, it can cause morbid obesity, infertility, heart disease, mydexoma coma, and Peripheral neuropathy. Hypothyroidism is not something to be taken lightly. It is something that can shorten your life span. 

Hypothyroidism is huge and there is just so much surrounding it. One of my favorite blogs to check out is HypothyroidMom.com. She has so much information about hypothyroidism and how it plays a part in everyday life. Her blog makes me feel like I'm not alone. I especially love reading her articles about basically being healthier while dealing with these horrible thyroids. 

My hair is thinning. My skin is horrible. I deal with brain fog all the time. Depression and anxiety are a 24/7 thing for me. The weight gain sucks so bad. But, this year, as part of my New Year, New Me, I'm gonna kick my thyroid in the rear. I'm gonna get on a proper medicine regime and get my thyroid stabilized. I will not let that little butterfly shaped sucker get the best of me. I hope this blog has been somewhat informational. I know it is short but there is such large area to cover when it comes to hypothyroidism that it would take many blogs to cover everything. Do you deal with hypothyroidism? Tell me how you feel about it and how you deal with it in the comments below.

Dear Sleep

Dear Sleep,

You and I have quite the on again, off again relationship. I know in the general sense that I need you. I oftentimes feel that I use you. More often than not, I feel that I don't get enough of you. You elude me when I really need you. You keep me in your grip longer than is truly necessary. You pull me in close then you push me away. You and I need to seriously reevaluate our situation together. I just don't think that what we have right now is healthy. It's not you, it's me. It really is.

I know that adults should average about 8 hours of sleep per night for a healthy nights rest. You like to give me anywhere between two to fourteen hours. You are so random. When I lay down at 10 pm and close my eyes, it's because I want to go to sleep. I don't want to chase thoughts in my head for the next two to four hours. It would be nice to just close my eyes and fall asleep within the next twenty minutes or so. Racing thoughts ARE NOT ACCEPTABLE WHILE I'M TRYING TO FALL ASLEEP!!

 Once I fall asleep, I would like a nice, steady six to eight hours of deep, uninterrupted slumber. This thing where I wake up every hour and half to two hours is just unacceptable. No one needs to pee that much during the night. I don't need to change positions that much. The temperature is just fine. I really just want uninterrupted sleep. This on again, off again thing  just isn't working for me.

In the morning, when I would like to rise and start my day all chipper, that is when you want to hold me tightest. You have taunted me all night, exhausting me with your games, and now you want to hold me while I sleep during the time I want to be alive with the rest of the world. I have to make a choice every day. Do I just get up and go about my day in exhausted zombie mode, or do I sleep in and wake up later in the afternoon, still groggy from being in the bed for 12-16 hours, and then try to function. It's truly a difficult decision.

Or it was. I feel that I used you to escape the world at times. If I was asleep, then I didn't have to face the realities of life that keep banging at my front door every day. If I'm asleep, then it's like I'm dead for just a little while longer and no one can hurt me if i'm dead. If I'm asleep, then I can live in my dreams, sculpted exactly how I want them to be. But, my dear sleep, I no longer want to use you in such a way. I'm tired of sleeping for the wrong reasons. I'm tired of not getting the proper amount of sleep. I'm tired of not getting a good night of healthy sleep.

I will begin waking up in the mornings and enjoying them. I will go about my day at home and try to keep myself busy one way or another. I will try my best to not let my depression drag me into another unhealthy relationship with my sleep. I love my sleep and we have some definite relationship repairing to do. It's a new year and time for new beginnings.