Oh Oh Oh It's Magic

I have been tossing this topic around for a little bit and have been quite uninspired to write on it. It's one of the topics my therapist gave me. Inspiration came across tonight through quite a very amusing source. I am a follower of Eric Butts on YouTube. Every other Friday night he does a live Drunken Movie Night. These nights, Eric plays two B rated or worse (lol) movies, and with the help of Mike Elmore and usually one other guest, entertain myself and several of his other subscribers to their reactions as they watch these movies and get drunk. It is so very lighthearted and fun! Subscribers are able to interact with their hosts through live chat and Eric does an awesome giveaway package. 

It was during tonight's giveaway package that I was inspired. The giveaway was quite magical and one of the subscribers just happened to quote "Oh Oh Oh It's Magic" in the chat box. Next thing I know, that is the hashtag for the entry to win the prize package for tonight. I really want to win the package as it has a Tim the Enchanter Funko Pop figure, a Mysterious Beasts Swooping Evil Book and Model Set, an electric candle, one of Eric's Cd's, and a Rock Candy Enchantress!!!! I am like the only person in the world who doesn't have one of the Enchantresses. It just struck me as deja vu that one of my topics was Oh oh oh it's magic, the hashtag came up as the same, and this prize package is right up my alley!! I have to win this!!!!

I really enjoy these Friday night live streams. It's really hard to get out and socialize but it's fun to be able to comment from time to time in the chat and not feel the pressure to have to contribute to the conversation like I would feel if I were around actual people. I am able to sit back and enjoy the laughter and conversation while I blog or do product reviews, and I honestly think I'm more productive with my computer stuff when I'm listening. I want to give Eric a big thank you for these Friday nights. It is getting me some "socialization." I think it gets easier to interact with time and for me that is progress. I remember when I first started watching Drunken Movie Nights I just sat back and listened and watched the chat. Progress!!! Yay!

Okay I'm gonna rave about Eric's Channel just a little bit. He has a lot of awesome content including unboxings, preview reactions, movie reviews, toy reviews, and lots of Funko Pop. He is oftentimes joined by his amazing fiance, and their cuteness together is just too perfect!! You can check his channel out here. 

Eric Butts What I Know Right Now

All of the opinions in this blog are my own. Eric has not asked me to promote him in any way, shape, or form. I have just enjoyed his content so much that I choose to share it. I hope my readers enjoy his content as well. 

Feathered Beauty

Due to my depression and anxieties I usually don't want to leave my house. I don't want to interact with people. I don't want to leave my safe, comfortable cave. It's nice here and it has my dog and my bed and my food and nobody can hurt me in here. I don't have to put on my "I'm fine" face when I am withing my walls. I've been trying to get outside more since I have my new camera. I've been outside taking pictures of Gucci and the field behind the house and even the landlady's dog. My goal is to go a little farther from my house and take pictures too. I was really struggling with my inner lazy voice Monday morning. I wanted to walk to the Dollar General to get some stuff that we needed. My lazy voice said to just stay at home and relax, that it was cold and misty outside. My anxiety voice told me that it was so far and that I would be so sore if I walked and then there would be people there and it just wouldn't be worth the walk. 

Well I overcame my inner voices and I was rewarded. It was nice and cool outside so I knew I wouldn't get overheated which was a good thing. I took my camera with me intending to take a few pics along the way but I really wasn't inspired by anything. Until I got almost to the store. I couldn't believe my eyes. Sitting over on the fence about 15 yard away was this beautiful bird of prey. I couldn't get my camera out fast enough. I was just so excited! It checked me out as it posed for me. I'm not sure as to exactly what kind of bird it is but it is gorgeous. These pics are with no filters or edits. Just zoom. This feathered beauty is certainly an outstanding example of one of God's glories. I definitely plan on getting out on walks more often.

If any of ya'll happen to know exactly what kind of bird this is, please leave me a comment down below.

Primary Inspirations

I was waiting for an appointment the other day and I saw this children's play table. I loved the primary colors and was inspired to pull my camera out and just take a few pictures from different angles. I would love to get these framed!! So here is a bit of color for your abstract viewing pleasures this evening.

Let Me Lie To You

My topic from my therapist this week was "A life without lies" and she left it open to interpretation. It got me to thinking about lies and how would life be without them. I can't say I don't know anyone who doesn't lie in some shape or form. We lie to ourselves. We lie to others. I have been deceived more times than I care to count. During my research on this topic I found that people in some study who consciously chose to not lie were happier and healthier over people who did lie. Ok, whatever. I'm not doing a study. I'm doing real speak opinion. 

I've experienced first hand how lies can crush people. I've been crushed over and over. My children have been crushed by lies. There are so many lies that have been told to my children by other people that even if I were to tell them the truth now they would never believe me. I am a liar. I admit it. I actually lie every single day. I tell the same lie every single day. It consists of two words. "I'm fine." In all actuality, I'm not fine. I'm in pain. Physically, mentally, and emotionally. Every day I'm in debilitating pain that I push through just for the sake of living. I will continue to tell this lie until it becomes reality.

I will fake it until I make it. I will smile and go about my day the best I can. I will take the good with the bad. I do tell other lies from time to time. White lies, imaginary lies, lies to get out of doing things, all sorts of lies. I'm a sinner and I lie. As I sit and think about that fact, maybe, If I can remember, I will make more of a conscious effort to not lie. I'm sure some people will not like it when I tell my opinion rather than what they want to hear but also maybe I can find a way to voice my opinion so it doesn't hurt feelings. I just don't know. I know I certainly can't lie around my therapist. She has a way of fishing out exactly what I'm thinking. She doesn't let me keep thoughts or feelings inside my head. It's frustrating at times but it's also nice to know I can say exactly what I'm thinking without being judged or feeling like I've burdened someone with something. I think that may be another reason we lie. We don't want to burden others with something.  Sometimes we feel it is easier to hold things in our head and work through them or push them to the back and forget about them, rather than share what is going on and feel like we have now burdened someone with something we feel like is a burden.

I dunno. I do know this is truly more of a rant type of blog tonight. I know I need to make a more conscious effort to make sure I tell no lies. I just don't think people want to hear the truth most of the time. I do know I don't like it when people lie to me. I also know that I often don't mind being oblivious to things that might stress me out until the stressful thing has passed so if someone lies to me to protect me from that stressful thing I might not mind it so much. I just don't know honestly. I don't think I could say how I would feel in that situation until I was in that situation. Lies exist. It would be nice to live in a world without lies, but I'm just not sure how that would work. Especially when it comes to governments. Which is another whole topic that I'm not going to get on so I will leave that alone and I think I'm going to go make something to eat. 

Shapes of Healing Crystals

One of the blog topics my therapist gave me this week was Shapes. She left it very open to interpretation. Something that I think is very interesting are crystals. Many people believe some crystals to have healing properties. For example, rose quartz is known as the "love stone" and is said to enhance relationships, creates a calm atmosphere, and dispels negativity. Hematite is one of my favorite stones and is said to enhance thought and provide a deep grounding.

Every detail of a crystal is important, including its size, its color, and its shape. All those details influence how energy flows throughout the crystal.

I found this wonderful list by author Kathleen Odenthal Romano that breaks down the list of shapes beautifully. I am only going to share a few of the shapes but I recommend you check her blog out for a full list.

The Cube - Many crystals come in the shape of a cube. This shape is able to harvest a significant amount of energy and can be very stabilizing. Like the calculated nature of their shape, these crystals are easy to program and are known to secure intentions well.

These unique crystals often look like rods or wands, however they are unique because they have points on both ends. These crystals are very powerful because they have the ability to transmit and emit energy from two places. Sometimes one end may be releasing energy while the other point is transmiting energy, other times both points may be transmiting or emiting energy. Because of this, they have many purposes, but should be used with care.

Fluorite Cubes

The Egg - This particular kind of crystal is known for its aesthetic beauty. These types of crystals are popular among those who practice acupressure as well as refloxologists. Egg shaped crystals ae known for holding energy that can find an imbalance within the body.

Quartz Egg

The Heart - The heart shaped crystal is known to attract loving energy, as well as energies that can help those with negative emotions. This healing crystal deals with the mental body, and works to deter sadness, grief, suffering and pain. The heart crystal has also been known to increase fertility.

Hematite Heart

The Pendulum - This popular crystal shape can easily be made into a necklace or used as a pendulum. When worn, this crystal is a great protector and healer. It also identifies imbalances in the human body. As a pendulum, this crystal can be used for a wide array of purposes, mainly by experienced energy workers.

Rose Quartz Pendulum

Such is Beauty

This is another topic I was given by my therapist and one I've been wrapping my head around all weekend. It's a topic of "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" or "why is an elephant seal so ugly to some, but a glorious creature to others." As I've been scouring the web for resources, I've experienced quite a variety of emotions. Two emotions have stood out in particular, anger, and that cutesy thing we girls do when we smile and go aaawww how cute.

When it comes to animals, it's really easy to say "ugly" is cute. My chihuahua, Gucci, has some permanent birth defects. His tail is crooked from broken spots in his tail. His forehead is lopsided from having a permanent open fissure and hydrocephalus. He walks funny from his little legs being a tiny bit messed up. Anyone who looks for chihuahua perfection may call Gucci ugly. To me, he is my handsome little man and he is the most adorable little thing ever. 

I looked up the elephant walrus along with many other "ugly" animals. I found many animals that I certainly wouldn't classify in my own personal opinion as beautiful, but I did see a beauty in them all. Especially when I saw pictures of them with their young. It was quite humbling really to see how majestic creatures are when you look past their exteriors and see them interacting in their natural environments. And for your viewing pleasure, here is a gorgeous male elephant seal with a huge smile:

Now, it was very easy to stay pretty cheery while I looked up animals. There were many cute baby anilmals and such as that. But then, I got to thinking about people. So many people are so concerned about what others think about them. That makes me angry. So many people compare themselves and others to "society's standards." Judgement upon how others look is everywhere, especially on social media.  Well it appears that "standards" are no longer the norm. Different is the norm. Different is beautiful. Being yourself is beautiful. Each and every one of us is beautiful. I am overweight. I have thinning hair. I have double chins. My butt is way bigger than I wish it was, but you know what, I am beautiful. My boyfriend says I'm beautiful. My kids say I'm beautiful. I may not be beautiful to someone else, but that someone else probably has their own beautiful person. It doesn't matter if you are beautiful or perfect to everyone. Don't worry so much about other people's opinions.  It doesn't matter if you are accepted by everyone. It doesn't matter if everyone you meet on the street doesn't look at you and check you out. What matters is that you know that you are beautiful, because of and regardless of everything you see in the mirror. You are beautiful because of what lies within you. You are someone's beautiful. You will be someone's beautiful.  Don't judge someone if they are not beautiful to you. That person that you just walked past and deemed as "ugly," is beautiful. Maybe not to you, but to someone. We have to see the beauty inside ourselves and then learn to not judge others. I know i'm horribly guilty of casting judgment. I must work on this. I also must work on seeing my inner beauty. 

One of my goals for 2017 is to take better care of myself inside and out. I feel that this will make me feel more beautiful to myself. This blog has really opened up my eyes to the way I look at others. And it also makes me realize that I shouldn't worry about what others think about me. My opinion is the one that counts.  I think I am going to put on my most beautiful smile, since smile are very healthy, and go cuddle with my very handsome Gucci. Please feel free to leave a comment if this blog has helped you at all. 

If You Just Smile

The first thing I would like you to do is to put on a smile. Studies show that smiling and laughing have a huge number of benefits to both mind and body. So by starting this blog off with a smile, we are becoming healthier already.

~     When you laugh, your body releases endorphins. These are brain chemicals known as neurotransmitters, which make us feel happy. They are also a natural pain and stress reliever.
~    Laughing reduces levels of cortisol, the stress hormone, and gives us a quick burst of energy.
~    A good laugh can be beneficial to the lungs, boost immunity, and could even burn off calories.

Many people deal with stress these days. Stress can lead to many health problems including heart attacks and strokes. Smiling has been proven to reduce stress and can literally help your heart to be healthier. I say that right there makes smiling a win in my book. 

We all have stresses in our lives. Stepping back and taking inventory of those stresses can be invaluable. Take a close look at them and see how many of them you can simply remove. There will be many that will still remain but there is one thing we can do. "Fake it til ya make it." Acknowledge that the stress is there but hold your head high and smile til you can overcome it. Those endorphins will kick in and make things a bit easier. The science backs it up that it is possible to smile your way to a happier, healthier lifestyle. The physical act of smiling and laughing can have a psychological impact on your body, going so far as to release “happiness” chemicals and hormones in your body to make you feel better no matter what you’re going through. Win.

Positivity attracts positivity. Smiles are contagious. People who smile more are said to be more attractive and tend to be more successful, by appearing more confident, attractive, and approachable. By being successful and achieving our goals, we tend to be less stressful and even happier so yet another big win.

There are just so many benefits to smiling. It doesn't hurt to smile. Smile at every person you pass, be they friend or stranger. Smile and laugh at the silly moments in life. Smile at the precious moments. Smile through the tough times. Smile always. Just Smile.

20 Things That Make Me Happy

~My kids~ their smiles, their laughter, their love, their bantering, their everything
~My dog just being his loving, little Gucci self
~My amazing boyfriend's love and thoughtfulness
~My daddy and his silliness. I have the best daddy in the world!! 
~My brother. He is the kind of man I hope my daughters marry one day.

~Brand new stuff. I love when things are brand new and look so pretty on display. It doesn't matter if it's kitchen towels or makeup or a shower curtain, or new clothes, or even new cleaning supplies or groceries. It just makes me happy to see everything displayed all new, nice, neat and orderly. 
~The crisp scent of the air in the fall
~For the room to be really cold and to be under a nice cozy blanket when I'm ready to sleep
~Random roadtrips
~When packages come in the mail for me

~Giving someone a gift that I know they are gonna love and getting to see that happy look on their face
~Puppies. Just laying on the floor and being crawled on by puppies.
~A clean, organized, smelling good home
~When someone give me presents. I love presents!
~The color pink

~Trying out a new recipe and it being a success
~Zen moments of just relaxing with a cup of tea
~Gucci dancing round in circles when I come home because he is so happy to see me
~One of those hugs that just envelop you and holds you just right and lets you know that everything is gonna be okay
~Seeing the view count on my blog rise. It make me feel accomplished and that makes me happy.

Dear Sleep

Dear Sleep,

You and I have quite the on again, off again relationship. I know in the general sense that I need you. I oftentimes feel that I use you. More often than not, I feel that I don't get enough of you. You elude me when I really need you. You keep me in your grip longer than is truly necessary. You pull me in close then you push me away. You and I need to seriously reevaluate our situation together. I just don't think that what we have right now is healthy. It's not you, it's me. It really is.

I know that adults should average about 8 hours of sleep per night for a healthy nights rest. You like to give me anywhere between two to fourteen hours. You are so random. When I lay down at 10 pm and close my eyes, it's because I want to go to sleep. I don't want to chase thoughts in my head for the next two to four hours. It would be nice to just close my eyes and fall asleep within the next twenty minutes or so. Racing thoughts ARE NOT ACCEPTABLE WHILE I'M TRYING TO FALL ASLEEP!!

 Once I fall asleep, I would like a nice, steady six to eight hours of deep, uninterrupted slumber. This thing where I wake up every hour and half to two hours is just unacceptable. No one needs to pee that much during the night. I don't need to change positions that much. The temperature is just fine. I really just want uninterrupted sleep. This on again, off again thing  just isn't working for me.

In the morning, when I would like to rise and start my day all chipper, that is when you want to hold me tightest. You have taunted me all night, exhausting me with your games, and now you want to hold me while I sleep during the time I want to be alive with the rest of the world. I have to make a choice every day. Do I just get up and go about my day in exhausted zombie mode, or do I sleep in and wake up later in the afternoon, still groggy from being in the bed for 12-16 hours, and then try to function. It's truly a difficult decision.

Or it was. I feel that I used you to escape the world at times. If I was asleep, then I didn't have to face the realities of life that keep banging at my front door every day. If I'm asleep, then it's like I'm dead for just a little while longer and no one can hurt me if i'm dead. If I'm asleep, then I can live in my dreams, sculpted exactly how I want them to be. But, my dear sleep, I no longer want to use you in such a way. I'm tired of sleeping for the wrong reasons. I'm tired of not getting the proper amount of sleep. I'm tired of not getting a good night of healthy sleep.

I will begin waking up in the mornings and enjoying them. I will go about my day at home and try to keep myself busy one way or another. I will try my best to not let my depression drag me into another unhealthy relationship with my sleep. I love my sleep and we have some definite relationship repairing to do. It's a new year and time for new beginnings.

Personal Bill of Rights

My homework assignment this week was to put together a Personal Bill of Rights. I was completely confused. I kinda figured out the basics but I had absolutely no idea how to write out a list. So I started researching. All I can say is WOW! I found so many inspirational sites on this topic. One site just kinda hit the target in the bullseye. The Bill of Rights that it lists says everything and more that I would want to say. Loveaddictionhelp.com is certainly a site I will be returning to. I have copied the Personal Bill of Rights from this site. I plan on referring to this list often to reaffirm what I already know in my heart, but I need to get my head on board.

I Now Declare...

1. I have a right to experience all my emotions- they make me neither weak nor strong, they are a natural part of being human.

2. I have the right to share and/or express my feelings to others if and when I choose, without obligation, guilt, or shame.

3. I have the right to trust my intuitions.

4. I have the right to NOT take responsibility for people’s behaviors, feelings, or problems.

5. I have a right to a healthy, loving, secure, nurturing relationship.

6. I have the right to respect and compassion from others– and NOTHING LESS.

7. I have the right to make my own decisions.

8. I have the right to care for my own emotional and physical wellbeing.

9. I have a right to spend time and energy on myself, to do things that make my life enjoyable; and treat myself as I want and deserve to be treated by others.

10. I have the right to distinguish who other people say I am (or was) and who I actually am.

11. I have the right to  NOT be treated like a "doormat", and if one does, to get up off the floor and stand up for myself.

12. I have the right to BE ME, without explanation, apology, or defense.

13. I have the right to say NO.

14. I have the right to say YES.

15. I have the right to NOT always be nice, good, right, and strong.

16. I have the right to be selfish; being selfish (attending to my own needs; self-nurturing) is healthy and good- as long as I don't hinder or disrespect others rights to care for themselves.

17. I have the right to smile, laugh, have fun, relax, be spontaneous, and play.

18. I have the right to trust others and trust myself.

19. I have the right to be vulnerable.

20. I have the right to be direct, assertive, and set strong/healthy boundaries- without guilt or explanation.

21. I have the right to develop and grow at my own pace, and in the directions I feel are best for me.

22. I have the right to view another person who is being critical/judgmental of me, as one who is projecting his/her own insecurity and shame … and know ‘IT IS NOT ABOUT ME’, but only "ABOUT HIM/HER'.

23. I have the right to NOT people-please at the expense of my emotional well-being – even if it means saying “no” to people who are used to hearing “yes”.

24. I have the right to put my needs first, before the needs of another.

25. I have the right to be IMPERFECT; to make mistakes and be wrong.

26. I have the right to say exactly what I mean, what I feel, or what I believe in a respectful manner, when I feel is necessary.

27. I have the right to fully and unconditionally forgive myself for past mistakes.

28. I have the right to ask for what I want or need.

29. I have a right to disengage/detach from anyone who deliberately or inadvertently puts me down, lays a guilt trip on me, or tries to control what I do, believe, or feel.

30. I have the right to change my mind; or decide on a different course of action, anytime I so choose.

31. I have the right to not identify with, or ‘carry the torch’, of my family of origin’s dysfunction, shame, or toxic rules/beliefs.

32. I have the right to allow positive people, experiences, and situations to freely and effortlessly enter into my life.

33. I have the right to ‘speak up’ if i desire, or ‘remain silent’ if I desire, about any topic, and around anyone, at any time, as I wish.

34. I have a right to 'where my feelings on my shoulders' (i.e., not smile if I feel sad or disappointed).

35. I have a right to grow and develop myself as a whole person emotionally, spiritually, mentally, physically, and psychologically.

36. I have the right to love, to accept, to embrace, and to fully appreciate myself unconditionally.

37. I have the right to be in relationships without losing my identity; abandoning my interests, needs, and wants.

38. I have the right to Embrace an important Truth, that I AM ME - and I AM OKAY,  JUST AS I AM.

39. I have the right to fill my own needs and wants, rather than demand or expect others to do so for me. * And for my needs and wants to be respected, AT ALL TIMES.

40. I have the right and duty to myself, to fully honor and practice in my life, 'My Personal Bill of Rights'.