Let Me Lie To You

My topic from my therapist this week was "A life without lies" and she left it open to interpretation. It got me to thinking about lies and how would life be without them. I can't say I don't know anyone who doesn't lie in some shape or form. We lie to ourselves. We lie to others. I have been deceived more times than I care to count. During my research on this topic I found that people in some study who consciously chose to not lie were happier and healthier over people who did lie. Ok, whatever. I'm not doing a study. I'm doing real speak opinion. 

I've experienced first hand how lies can crush people. I've been crushed over and over. My children have been crushed by lies. There are so many lies that have been told to my children by other people that even if I were to tell them the truth now they would never believe me. I am a liar. I admit it. I actually lie every single day. I tell the same lie every single day. It consists of two words. "I'm fine." In all actuality, I'm not fine. I'm in pain. Physically, mentally, and emotionally. Every day I'm in debilitating pain that I push through just for the sake of living. I will continue to tell this lie until it becomes reality.

I will fake it until I make it. I will smile and go about my day the best I can. I will take the good with the bad. I do tell other lies from time to time. White lies, imaginary lies, lies to get out of doing things, all sorts of lies. I'm a sinner and I lie. As I sit and think about that fact, maybe, If I can remember, I will make more of a conscious effort to not lie. I'm sure some people will not like it when I tell my opinion rather than what they want to hear but also maybe I can find a way to voice my opinion so it doesn't hurt feelings. I just don't know. I know I certainly can't lie around my therapist. She has a way of fishing out exactly what I'm thinking. She doesn't let me keep thoughts or feelings inside my head. It's frustrating at times but it's also nice to know I can say exactly what I'm thinking without being judged or feeling like I've burdened someone with something. I think that may be another reason we lie. We don't want to burden others with something.  Sometimes we feel it is easier to hold things in our head and work through them or push them to the back and forget about them, rather than share what is going on and feel like we have now burdened someone with something we feel like is a burden.

I dunno. I do know this is truly more of a rant type of blog tonight. I know I need to make a more conscious effort to make sure I tell no lies. I just don't think people want to hear the truth most of the time. I do know I don't like it when people lie to me. I also know that I often don't mind being oblivious to things that might stress me out until the stressful thing has passed so if someone lies to me to protect me from that stressful thing I might not mind it so much. I just don't know honestly. I don't think I could say how I would feel in that situation until I was in that situation. Lies exist. It would be nice to live in a world without lies, but I'm just not sure how that would work. Especially when it comes to governments. Which is another whole topic that I'm not going to get on so I will leave that alone and I think I'm going to go make something to eat.