Butterflies and Brain Fog

Today I want to talk about a disease that affects many people, myself included. It's a disease that can affect you in subtle ways. It's a disease that can completely shut you down in many other ways. Put simply, Hypothyroidism is having an under-active thyroid gland. The result of this being that gland not producing enough of the thyroid hormone in the blood. The thyroid is a butterfly shaped gland at the base of your neck. When thyroid hormone levels are too low, the body’s cells can’t get enough thyroid hormone and the body’s processes start slowing down.

 As the body slows, you may notice that you feel colder, you tire more easily, your skin is getting drier, you’re becoming forgetful and depressed, and you’ve started getting constipated. The symptoms for hypothyroidism seem endless. Exhaustion, hair loss, brain fog, weight loss, weight gain, depression, anxiety, cold intolerance, hot flashes, skin changes, diarrhea, menstrual changes, body sensitivity, loss of want of intimacy, these are just a tiny list of the many things people with hypothyroidism can experience and it can all be extremely frustrating.  Because the symptoms are so variable and non-specific, the only way to know for sure whether you have hypothyroidism is through blood tests. Your doctor will test the TSH level in your blood to determine your level of thyroid hormone and what degree of medication to start you on.

There is no cure for hypothyroidism. Most people who suffer from it will have to deal with it for the rest of their life. Medication, once adjusted properly, can control hypothyroidism. The more serious effects of the disease can lessen for a much happier and healthier lifestyle. Over time, if left untreated, it can cause morbid obesity, infertility, heart disease, mydexoma coma, and Peripheral neuropathy. Hypothyroidism is not something to be taken lightly. It is something that can shorten your life span. 

Hypothyroidism is huge and there is just so much surrounding it. One of my favorite blogs to check out is HypothyroidMom.com. She has so much information about hypothyroidism and how it plays a part in everyday life. Her blog makes me feel like I'm not alone. I especially love reading her articles about basically being healthier while dealing with these horrible thyroids. 

My hair is thinning. My skin is horrible. I deal with brain fog all the time. Depression and anxiety are a 24/7 thing for me. The weight gain sucks so bad. But, this year, as part of my New Year, New Me, I'm gonna kick my thyroid in the rear. I'm gonna get on a proper medicine regime and get my thyroid stabilized. I will not let that little butterfly shaped sucker get the best of me. I hope this blog has been somewhat informational. I know it is short but there is such large area to cover when it comes to hypothyroidism that it would take many blogs to cover everything. Do you deal with hypothyroidism? Tell me how you feel about it and how you deal with it in the comments below.

20 Things That Make Me Happy

~My kids~ their smiles, their laughter, their love, their bantering, their everything
~My dog just being his loving, little Gucci self
~My amazing boyfriend's love and thoughtfulness
~My daddy and his silliness. I have the best daddy in the world!! 
~My brother. He is the kind of man I hope my daughters marry one day.

~Brand new stuff. I love when things are brand new and look so pretty on display. It doesn't matter if it's kitchen towels or makeup or a shower curtain, or new clothes, or even new cleaning supplies or groceries. It just makes me happy to see everything displayed all new, nice, neat and orderly. 
~The crisp scent of the air in the fall
~For the room to be really cold and to be under a nice cozy blanket when I'm ready to sleep
~Random roadtrips
~When packages come in the mail for me

~Giving someone a gift that I know they are gonna love and getting to see that happy look on their face
~Puppies. Just laying on the floor and being crawled on by puppies.
~A clean, organized, smelling good home
~When someone give me presents. I love presents!
~The color pink

~Trying out a new recipe and it being a success
~Zen moments of just relaxing with a cup of tea
~Gucci dancing round in circles when I come home because he is so happy to see me
~One of those hugs that just envelop you and holds you just right and lets you know that everything is gonna be okay
~Seeing the view count on my blog rise. It make me feel accomplished and that makes me happy.

Dear Sleep

Dear Sleep,

You and I have quite the on again, off again relationship. I know in the general sense that I need you. I oftentimes feel that I use you. More often than not, I feel that I don't get enough of you. You elude me when I really need you. You keep me in your grip longer than is truly necessary. You pull me in close then you push me away. You and I need to seriously reevaluate our situation together. I just don't think that what we have right now is healthy. It's not you, it's me. It really is.

I know that adults should average about 8 hours of sleep per night for a healthy nights rest. You like to give me anywhere between two to fourteen hours. You are so random. When I lay down at 10 pm and close my eyes, it's because I want to go to sleep. I don't want to chase thoughts in my head for the next two to four hours. It would be nice to just close my eyes and fall asleep within the next twenty minutes or so. Racing thoughts ARE NOT ACCEPTABLE WHILE I'M TRYING TO FALL ASLEEP!!

 Once I fall asleep, I would like a nice, steady six to eight hours of deep, uninterrupted slumber. This thing where I wake up every hour and half to two hours is just unacceptable. No one needs to pee that much during the night. I don't need to change positions that much. The temperature is just fine. I really just want uninterrupted sleep. This on again, off again thing  just isn't working for me.

In the morning, when I would like to rise and start my day all chipper, that is when you want to hold me tightest. You have taunted me all night, exhausting me with your games, and now you want to hold me while I sleep during the time I want to be alive with the rest of the world. I have to make a choice every day. Do I just get up and go about my day in exhausted zombie mode, or do I sleep in and wake up later in the afternoon, still groggy from being in the bed for 12-16 hours, and then try to function. It's truly a difficult decision.

Or it was. I feel that I used you to escape the world at times. If I was asleep, then I didn't have to face the realities of life that keep banging at my front door every day. If I'm asleep, then it's like I'm dead for just a little while longer and no one can hurt me if i'm dead. If I'm asleep, then I can live in my dreams, sculpted exactly how I want them to be. But, my dear sleep, I no longer want to use you in such a way. I'm tired of sleeping for the wrong reasons. I'm tired of not getting the proper amount of sleep. I'm tired of not getting a good night of healthy sleep.

I will begin waking up in the mornings and enjoying them. I will go about my day at home and try to keep myself busy one way or another. I will try my best to not let my depression drag me into another unhealthy relationship with my sleep. I love my sleep and we have some definite relationship repairing to do. It's a new year and time for new beginnings.

Final Fantasy 14

One of my coping methods to my depression and anxiety is to play video games. Well, I should say, a video game. I love playing Final Fantasy 14. I used to think I could not play video games because I had so much trouble using the controller. My boyfriend helped me set up a character on FFXIV one evening, and while he went to work I attempted to figure out the controller. It took a lot of frustration and me walking away but eventually I got the hang of it. I took a lot of pride in that. Some people may think that is weird but I do struggle with small things and I do get excited when I overcome those struggles. That's a personal right of mine ;-)

FFXIV is a massive multiplayer online role playing game. You create a character and explore the land and complete quests and dungeons to enhance your character. I am including a wiki link here that includes a much more detailed description of what the game is about. Final Fantasy is also offering a free 2 week trial. Just go to their website here. I'm on the Gilgamesh server if ya wanna join me.

This is a pic of my character, Azera, when I first started playing. I played mostly when my boyfriend wasn't home because I was embarrassed. I still felt that I struggled with something so simple that even little kids could do. I stuck it out though. I pressed on through the storyline and defeated monsters and even made some friends online. These are actually big things for me. I am a procrastinator and I don't like talking to people. So for me to stick to my guns and to even socialize somewhat, is an accomplishment in itself. I took pride in that. I told my boyfriend about my progress every evening and he was proud how quickly I was advancing. This gave me courage to begin playing in front of him more. It's surprising how a video game can actually give someone a sense of pride. I had been through a bad period prior to this and a video game brought back some confidence for me.

I've been playing for about a year now and Azera is just tough as nails. I still get anxiety sometimes when I have trouble defeating something the first few tries but I push until I defeat it. This is a method I need to apply more to life in general and one of the reasons I am doing this blog. For aha moments such as this. I let life moments knock me down all too often and I don't get back up. I stay down. I need to become more like Azera and get back up and keep on going til I defeat whatever is knocking me down. That is certainly a goal for 2017. I'm gonna leave ya'll with a few more pics of  Azera. Changing out her glamours is one of the most fun things.

Personal Bill of Rights

My homework assignment this week was to put together a Personal Bill of Rights. I was completely confused. I kinda figured out the basics but I had absolutely no idea how to write out a list. So I started researching. All I can say is WOW! I found so many inspirational sites on this topic. One site just kinda hit the target in the bullseye. The Bill of Rights that it lists says everything and more that I would want to say. Loveaddictionhelp.com is certainly a site I will be returning to. I have copied the Personal Bill of Rights from this site. I plan on referring to this list often to reaffirm what I already know in my heart, but I need to get my head on board.

I Now Declare...

1. I have a right to experience all my emotions- they make me neither weak nor strong, they are a natural part of being human.

2. I have the right to share and/or express my feelings to others if and when I choose, without obligation, guilt, or shame.

3. I have the right to trust my intuitions.

4. I have the right to NOT take responsibility for people’s behaviors, feelings, or problems.

5. I have a right to a healthy, loving, secure, nurturing relationship.

6. I have the right to respect and compassion from others– and NOTHING LESS.

7. I have the right to make my own decisions.

8. I have the right to care for my own emotional and physical wellbeing.

9. I have a right to spend time and energy on myself, to do things that make my life enjoyable; and treat myself as I want and deserve to be treated by others.

10. I have the right to distinguish who other people say I am (or was) and who I actually am.

11. I have the right to  NOT be treated like a "doormat", and if one does, to get up off the floor and stand up for myself.

12. I have the right to BE ME, without explanation, apology, or defense.

13. I have the right to say NO.

14. I have the right to say YES.

15. I have the right to NOT always be nice, good, right, and strong.

16. I have the right to be selfish; being selfish (attending to my own needs; self-nurturing) is healthy and good- as long as I don't hinder or disrespect others rights to care for themselves.

17. I have the right to smile, laugh, have fun, relax, be spontaneous, and play.

18. I have the right to trust others and trust myself.

19. I have the right to be vulnerable.

20. I have the right to be direct, assertive, and set strong/healthy boundaries- without guilt or explanation.

21. I have the right to develop and grow at my own pace, and in the directions I feel are best for me.

22. I have the right to view another person who is being critical/judgmental of me, as one who is projecting his/her own insecurity and shame … and know ‘IT IS NOT ABOUT ME’, but only "ABOUT HIM/HER'.

23. I have the right to NOT people-please at the expense of my emotional well-being – even if it means saying “no” to people who are used to hearing “yes”.

24. I have the right to put my needs first, before the needs of another.

25. I have the right to be IMPERFECT; to make mistakes and be wrong.

26. I have the right to say exactly what I mean, what I feel, or what I believe in a respectful manner, when I feel is necessary.

27. I have the right to fully and unconditionally forgive myself for past mistakes.

28. I have the right to ask for what I want or need.

29. I have a right to disengage/detach from anyone who deliberately or inadvertently puts me down, lays a guilt trip on me, or tries to control what I do, believe, or feel.

30. I have the right to change my mind; or decide on a different course of action, anytime I so choose.

31. I have the right to not identify with, or ‘carry the torch’, of my family of origin’s dysfunction, shame, or toxic rules/beliefs.

32. I have the right to allow positive people, experiences, and situations to freely and effortlessly enter into my life.

33. I have the right to ‘speak up’ if i desire, or ‘remain silent’ if I desire, about any topic, and around anyone, at any time, as I wish.

34. I have a right to 'where my feelings on my shoulders' (i.e., not smile if I feel sad or disappointed).

35. I have a right to grow and develop myself as a whole person emotionally, spiritually, mentally, physically, and psychologically.

36. I have the right to love, to accept, to embrace, and to fully appreciate myself unconditionally.

37. I have the right to be in relationships without losing my identity; abandoning my interests, needs, and wants.

38. I have the right to Embrace an important Truth, that I AM ME - and I AM OKAY,  JUST AS I AM.

39. I have the right to fill my own needs and wants, rather than demand or expect others to do so for me. * And for my needs and wants to be respected, AT ALL TIMES.

40. I have the right and duty to myself, to fully honor and practice in my life, 'My Personal Bill of Rights'.

Happy New Year!!

Good Morning 2017!! It's a brand new year and time for new beginnings. The past few years, I have not made any resolutions because I know I'm a hypocrite, and the odds of me sticking to my resolutions are slim. This year I'm determined to make a change. I am going to make some resolutions and I am going to hold myself accountable for sticking to them. I have got to make some changes. I can't just lay here and wait to die. I can't do that to my kids and to the others who love me. I'm worth more than that and so are they. So here it is, my resolutions for 2017.

1.  I will stick to my blog. And try to find out more about myself in the process.
2.  I will go gluten free. I have to. My body is demanding it.
3.  I will go to a doctor about my medical issues and begin getting them taken care of.
4.  I will start my days off with positive affirmations.
5.  I will obtain an income.
6.  I will cut out potato chips and soda pop.
7.  I will exercise more and lose weight. 2 pant sizes down at least this year.
8.  I will go see my daddy at least once.
9.  I will make greater attempts to see my sons.
10. I will paint more and sell some of my paintings
11. I will begin saving money to move to Spokane.
12. I will do more to show my boyfriend that I appreciate everything he does for me
13. I will not beat myself up so much.
14. I will put more effort into my appearance.
15. I will have a wonderful 2017!

I'm sure I will think of other things later that I failed to put into here but this seems like a pretty good starting point. 2017 is going to be a great year and I'm ready to start it off grand. I've recently heard that positivity attracts positivity so I'm going to be as positive as I can. Let's do this 2017!!

It's all about the Puddin!!

During the holiday season, one of our favorite pastimes is to eat, and therefore, to cook as well. One of my favorite sweet treats has always been Banana Pudding. There are so many easy ways to make this delicious treat such as this way from Kraft.

One of my projects this week was to discover other uses for pudding. After scouring the web, I found some pretty interesting recipes. One of my faves was this Banana Puddintini. It takes my favorite pudding dessert and kicks it up a notch as shown here by Lisa Huff from Snappy Gourmet.

How about making some candy with pudding? This Circus Animal Fudge recipe from Beyond Frosting looks so yummy!! It almost looks too pretty to eat.

Now for a really random use for pudding that you can use as a joke to fool your friends, take an empty mayonnaise jar and fill it up with vanilla pudding. Then just go around with a spoon eating it out of the jar. You will certainly get some looks from people being grossed out lol.

Now one of my favorite uses of puddin is the PUDDIN choker that Harley Quinn wears in Suicide Squad. I looked around and i'm attaching my favorite tutorial for you to view on how to DIY your own PUDDIN choker.

I hope you check out these uses of pudding and enjoy them. I truly enjoyed this project.